There and Back Again Part II

I have recently discovered the darkside to travel here in Rio. Only a couple of weeks ago we drove past an industrial vehicle which had run off the road and smashed straight through a wall, it was twisted beyond repair and looked like serious bodily harm had been caused. In true Brazilian fashion the workmen on the scene stood around without a care in the world, doing very little and having a good laugh with the boys. Then on the way back from the same journey we saw a stationed bus that had collided with a lamp-post and completely knocked it over, what really sucked ass was this added 2 hours onto our short trip. The same week witnessed some messed up business as we drove past someone who had been knocked over on the side of the road, surrounded the emergency services and onlookers. Traffic in Rio is defo not all fun and games.

6.  An innate skill I have observed from bus commuters is their ability to sleep on any given journey. This is no easy feat, as explained previously, journeys are far from smooth with the crazy ass driving that goes on. One particular trip home I’d started to doze when I found myself being De La Souled 3 feet high and rising from my seat. The Brazilians are impervious to this, it must be something handed down from generation to generation, as I have seen mothers with multiple children balanced on their knees gently snoozing away. I’ve even witnessed the fabled stand up and sleep technique.

7. The common occurrence of the ‘Suco de bunda’ is something that brings a smile to my face on a daily basis. Given the jam-packed nature of the bus there is a fair amount of farting. It’s awesome when someone really lets loose the bootjuice and it just brings everyone out in a chorus of laugher. The U.K could learn a thing or two from this attitude, bootjuice should be embraced and revered for the comical relief it provides rather than condemned and looked down upon.

8.  I’ve witnessed death by door on a number of occasions. This one dude made the unwise decision to stand directly behind the doors, I don’t know how many times dude has been on the bus but those things always open inwards. Homeboy got squished like he was Harry and Marv. A really scary incident happened when this young girl got her shoulders and backpack caught as she jumped out. The driver had already started to drive away, it look as if she was about to be ripped in half until she was saved by her fellow passengers screaming at the driver.

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9. Work is definitely an interesting concept over here. From the bus I have observed many examples of ‘work’, a lot of this involves standing around having a good crack with work mates, smoking cigs, drinking coffee and on a number of occasions having a quick kip. By far my favorite example of workmanship came one morning as we stopped at a stop sign. It was at this moment that a number of workmen decide it was the appropriate time at fix a hole in the road. It’s a bit difficult to make out fully in the picture but the guys literally walked in front of the bus, lifted up the board and began to fill the road in, now that’s efficiency!

10. It is a rare occurrence when I get a seat on the way back from training at night, at 10:15 its super rammoed which isn’t exactly what you need at the end of a long day of mat related torture. This one particular night myself and the homeboy Nabas found the whole back row to ourselves which was seriously unexpected and awesome. I was intrigued as a women got on wearing a workman’s hard hat carrying an ironing board and a bucket, this really should have set the alarm bells ringing! This excentric lady then proceeded to speak with herself whilst randomly walking up and down the bus. Then she made the decision I had been solemnly dreading for the prior 30 seconds and came and sat next to us. I did the only thing that any good friend could do and put my headphones in and let Nabas deal with her, nudging him every now and again to provoke laughter as she proceeded to air her grievances to him in Portuguese. Her ironing board fell over as we hit a bend at the usual 500 MPH, this really set her off and she proceeded to scream ‘boom’ over and over again and the top of her voice. Her final crescendo was to stand at the door and scream in passenger’s faces as they exited the bus.  I love meeting new people!

Today got my homie, drill partner and berimboling ass whizz kid Nabas to show a tasty technique if your opponent defends the arm-bar.

Check out the homie doing his thing

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