Doing it real B.I.G at Carnival

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Being in Rio at this time of the year I had a opportunity to experience the world famous Carnival, so large an event it attracted 920,000 tourists over the course of the long weekend in Rio and brought over 2 million people out onto the streets throughout Brazil on each day of the celebrations. It is described by locals as “The Greatest Show on Earth”. With that being said, my personal experience of Carnival was, it kind of sucked ass. My resentment began with the fact that the academy, well all academies were closed over the period, from Monday to Wednesday of Carnival week, there was no training.

I generally wasn’t too fussed about the whole thing – I wasn’t about to pay upwards of 700 beans to spend 12 hours watching the Samba parade at the sambódromo with 75,000 other people.  Begrudgingly though, I thought I had to experience some part of Carnival, so I peeped one of the street parties known as blocos. I made an initial mistake by not getting completely steamed, whilst this seemed like the right thing to do for upcoming competitions but doing this sober made it extremely difficult.

The ‘fun’ began the same way everything here seems to, with an exceptionally painful bus ride. It started innocently enough with a near head on collision with another bus, at which point everyone on the bus began to chant and bang on the windows and roof like it was all fun and games, the other bus immediately joined in the fun by doing the same. A personal highlight was the pirate we past who was drunkenly directing traffic with a road sign which had been freshly torn down, homeboy was loving it though. Things became unbearable when a pissed up dude with a mega phone got on and positioned himself right next to me. He proceeded to sing, holler at chicks and shout ‘Polica’, at which point he would turn the police siren on his megaphone. I was nearly forced to pull deep half on him, sweep, come up on top and perform a hundred hand dick slap on him. He continued the same routine the entire journey which lasted forever and exceeded the limit of how many inebriated bodies it is possible to pile together on a bus.

After getting off I was presented with what only can be described as a underage disco on a truely astronomical level in the middle of the street. I was literally surrounded by hundreds even thousands of pissed up teenagers. I was quite intrigued in the standard approach to hooking up, you basically grab hold of a chick and make out with her, if she doesn’t like it, she will push you off which doesn’t really matter as you just grab the next one. Although sometimes, no didn’t mean no, as I saw one dude get pushed off by a chick, undaunted he grabbed her head again and amazingly this time she seemed to enjoy it and BOOM love connection! I saw a good number of domestics disputes albeit in Portuguese, it’s a universal scene, dude forced to stop in the street whilst he gets yelled at by an angry chick whilst he looks into the distance wishing he hadn’t just said the stupid thing he just did. I always enjoy it when it isn’t me on the receiving end.

There was some pretty impressive looking outfits, I saw babies in nappies, porn star esque devils, blushing brides and fairies, more impressive was the fact these were all dudes. In addition to plenty of pissed up swedes dancing in front of angry bus and car drivers. Due to the sheer size of the bloco it was literally a mass of drunken humanity which was very difficult to make your way through, which also resulted in my kicks getting trodden on to shit, this began the ascent to the edge of my nerves. We were segregated to an area due to the crowd which didn’t have any music either, this really took away from the atmosphere, it really was people just getting straight pissy and then hooking up. I lasted in total about 60 minutes before I left the homies and went home to celebrate Carnival in my own way, eating biscuits and watching old ECW PPVs.

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I’ve included pictures of the carnage in the aftermath of the Carnival celebrations. The street cleaners in an awesome and sadistic move picked the perfect opportunity to strike over pay. The beaches and streets looked like post apocalyptic waste lands. The smell of all this got worse every single day, at first it smelt like a mixture of baby faeaces and vomit but by the end of the week it had grown to a stench the level of a fully fledged decade old aids condom.

 

New technique we have my homie and instructor; Terere Brown belt Caranguejo. It’s in Portuguese but there’s some serious details on the leg drag. Dude has got some of the most beautiful Jiu-Jitsu I’ve seen, definitely a competitor to watch out for on the world stage in the next few years.

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